Breathe Me
by lovelikeher
Summary: Abi always knew her relationship with Ben was a sham, but she never expected it to be violent. With help from an old friend, can she get out before it's too late?


Hi! Just a short(ish) little one shot, because why not? Quick warning: This one shot features an abusive relationship.

* * *

 _Abi was furiously packing her stuff into her case, with tears streaming down her cheeks and not a single thought given to her mascara. She just wanted to get out of there - she had to hurry if she wanted to catch one of the last trains to Exeter. She wouldn't get to her Mum's until at least eleven, but she didn't care. She just needed to leave. There was no reason for her to stay in Walford now, was there? Her Dad was in prison, Lauren was on the other side of the world. She'd given her Mum the excuse of wanting to stay for her relationship and her job. Now, she had no relationship and she could find another job in Exeter. It would be fine. Right now, she just wanted -_ _ **needed**_ _\- to get as far away from Ben as humanly possible._

 _She'd only gone over to her Grandma Dot's, for crying out loud._ _When she'd left and was walking back across the square to the Mitchells', Paul approached her. She just knew him as Les's grandson that worked at Blades and apparently had a bit of a thing for her boyfriend according to Ben, so she didn't know why he was calling after her in such a state. She didn't get a chance to ask either, as the first thing he said was that her boyfriend was cheating on her. With_ _ **him**_ _. He said that they'd been sleeping together for months, that Ben had told him several times that he loved him and was going to dump her so they could be together. He said he was sorry, though it was the most insincere apology she'd ever heard, and then he walked off. Just... walked off as if he hadn't just turned her world upside down. He just left her stood there in the middle of the square, feeling like someone had just knocked the ground from beneath her feet._

 _So that was why she was hurriedly trying to pack her all of her things into a tiny suitcase. She didn't even need to ask Ben if it was true, because she knew. She knew that it was true. Deep down, she'd always known, and it had only taken her hearing those words from his bit on the side for her to acknowledge what she'd known all along. Ben was gay; he'd always been gay and he always would be gay. He was just using her as his... **coverup**._

 _Just as she zipped up the case, she heard Ben calling her name. **Dammit**. Sharon and Phil were at the bar, and Jay was never in now that he had a new girlfriend, so she was hoping she could have got out before anyone was home. It was too late for that now though, seeing as she could hear Ben running up the stairs. She didn't have all of her stuff, but it would have to do. She'd have to ask Whitney or Sonia to get the rest of her stuff; she didn't know, she didn't care. _

_Ben burst through the door just as she picked her suitcase up off the bed. By the look on his face, he knew what Paul had done. He knew that she knew._

" _Abi…"_

" _Don't, Ben, just **don't.** "_

" _What are you doing? Where are you going?"_

" _Mum's."_

" _Why?" He asked as if he was testing her, and she just wanted to slap him._

" _Oh, because I don't want to stay here to be with my gay boyfriend anymore."_

" _Abs, whatever Paul said, you can't listen to him, okay? He's...he's obsessed with me. I rejected him and now he's trying to get back at me."_

 _He came closer to her, grabbing her arm, which she immediately pulled back. She'd already promised herself that she wouldn't fall for his lies, not again, not tonight. She was leaving and that was that._

" _You don't seriously expect me to believe that, do you?" She rolled her eyes, moving to pass him but he quickly blocked her path._

" _You have to, Abs, I need you," He grabbed both her wrists, and she struggled against him._

" _You **need** me? Need me to try and hide the fact that you're gay, you mean?" _

_As soon as those words left her mouth, his grip on her wrists tightened which caused her to wince. "You can't leave."_

" _Give me one good reason why I should stay," she scoffed, knowing that he didn't have any, and even if he did, she wouldn't be sticking around._

" _Because you need me too," he spat, before letting out a deep breath and loosening his hold on her wrists slightly. "I'm your best friend, Abs, I would never hurt you. Besides, no other bloke is going to want you. Jay found someone better, and any other guy out there will too. But, not me. I'll never leave you."_

 _His words stung, even more so than Paul's had. It felt like someone had punched her in the gut. But it was hard not to believe him when she'd been thinking the exact same thing in her head for so long; Jay found someone better and any other guy out there will too._

" _No…" she shook her head, feeling fresh tears forming behind her eyelids. "No, Ben, this isn't going to work."_

" _You know it's true though, don't you? I'm all you have left, Abs." His eyes were sympathising, his tone of voice gentle, yet his words were so cold that it made her shiver._

" _I have…" her voice croaked slightly, as she tried to fight the tears. "I have my family."_

" _Family?" He laughed harshly. "You put your own Dad in prison, you said yourself that your family hate you._ _**I'm**_ _your family now, babe,_ _ **this**_ _is your home."_

 _Words that once felt so kind and loving now seemed so twisted and cruel. Abi shook her head furiously, moving to push past him. He humoured her, letting her pass him as she went to grab her phone off the bed. As she reached for her suitcase, he forcefully grabbed her arm and twisted it, causing her to let out a cry of agony._

" _You're not going," Ben repeated slowly. "You're going to stay here and we're going to be happy."_

" _Happy?" She questioned, as she held her aching arm with her other hand. She blinked manically, but there was no fighting the fresh tears now staining her cheeks. She tried to stand up straight as she held her head up, attempting to feel - and appear - equal to him. "You don't want_ _ **us**_ _to be happy, you just want to keep_ _ **Phil**_ _happy. You don't want Daddy to know that you've been sleeping with another bloke!"_

 _Just like that, he swung for her and she hit the floor with an agonising thump. Her entire body was on fire as she painfully lifted her head, seeing Ben towering above her. For a brief second, she could of sworn she saw fear and regret in his eyes but it quickly disappeared. He cleared his throat, before casually lifting her suitcase onto the bed and starting to unpack it, seemingly careless that she was still writhing in on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to get up, and she wasn't sure it if was out of fear or pain or even just shock._

" _You're_ _ **not**_ _leaving. You're going to stay here and you're going to be the doting little girlfriend, and I'll be the perfect boyfriend who gives you_ _ **everything**_ _you deserve."_

* * *

Abi flinched as she applied the concealer under her eye. Thank God for make-up, hey? She might have laughed if it didn't hurt so much to do so. Her entire body just ached, but it was the black eye she was attempting to cover that hurt the most. It didn't look like much, just some bruising beneath her eye, but damn did it hurt. But the physical pain was nothing compared to how she felt inside.

What had she got herself into? How had she ended up in such a twisted, toxic relationship? It was her own fault though. Who in their right mind thought that a gay murderer was boyfriend material? She'd been so stupid, deluding herself into thinking Ben genuinely loved her. And she'd been such a bitch; to Lola, to Stacey, to Lauren, even to Lucy before she died. She'd put her own father in prison for crying out loud! Maybe she deserved this. Maybe this was her dose of karma for acting like such a spoiled brat all these years. If she hadn't wanted to shove it to Jay and prove that she was over him, she would never have got involved with Ben in the first place. If she hadn't been so desperate for someone to love her, even if she knew it wasn't real, she might have seen what was right in front of her. Afterall, everyone had told her she was making a mistake. Now she'd gone and given them all reason to say _I told you so._

Except they couldn't say that, because she was still there, still with him. Not that Ben had given her much of a say in the matter. She was the one who'd been lied to, cheated on and yet...he was furious at her for wanting to leave him. She still couldn't quite believe that he'd hit her, but the bruises she woke up with had assured her that last night wasn't just a nightmare. The night before, he'd been talking to her as if nothing had happened, but she couldn't bring herself to give him anything more than one word answers. She'd just sat there helplessly, watching him unpack all of her stuff. When he was done, he'd told her to go to bed and get some rest; she looked awful, he'd observed.

She'd done exactly what he said, simply out of fear of what he might do if she didn't. Combined with the state of shock that she was in, and the fact that she _knew_ what happened to women who upset Ben, she didn't feel like she had much of a choice. So, she just went to bed. Not that she did much sleeping, mind you. Jay'd got home not long after and Ben had gone downstairs. She heard Jay ask about her, and Ben tell him she wasn't feeling very well so had gone to bed. She hoped so desperately that, somehow, Jay would see through the lie, but he didn't. He didn't question Ben, he didn't come in and check on her. He just sat downstairs watching TV and laughing with Ben, whilst she quietly sobbed upstairs in bed.

When Ben had come back up a few hours later, she'd clenched her eyes shut and pretended to sleep. She didn't know if he'd believed her, but he didn't say anything. He just climbed in besides her and that was that. She eventually exhausted herself and nodded off.

Now, she was stood in the bathroom trying to cover up the evidence of last night's events. What was she going to do? She had to get out of there. She could come home on her lunch break whilst everyone was out, pack her stuff and leave. She could be at her Mum's before Ben even noticed. But what would he do if she did that? He seemed pretty determined that she wasn't going anywhere. If he wanted to keep up this act desperately enough, would he come after her? Maybe... _Maybe_ last night was just a one-off. He lost his temper, she couldn't really judge him for that after the amount of times she'd lashed out over the past year and a half. Maybe it would be fine. It was like he'd said last night - he was her best friend. He'd made mistakes, sure, but he wasn't evil. He was trying to be good. Or, at least, she'd thought he was.

Her train of thought was interrupted when the bathroom door swung open, causing her to jump a mile.

"Oh, sh- sorry, Abs, didn't know you were in here," Jay apologised. She let out the tiniest sigh of relief that it wasn't Ben, simply because she didn't know what she was going to say to him yet.

"It's fine," she replied, forcing a small smile and trying not to wince.

"What the hell happened to your face?" He asked worriedly, rushing over to her. Clearly her make-up skills weren't as professional as she thought. He reached for her arm, causing her to flinch backwards as the memory of last night came flooding back. He frowned, eyeing her in confusion.

"I fell, hit my head," she quickly replied. "It's nothing, really. Doesn't even hurt."

"Really?" He questioned, and she immediately nodded. Why was she nodding? Why wasn't she telling him the truth? No, she didn't need him involved. She could fix this herself. She didn't need him to fix this for her. "When was this?"

"Last night."

"Last night? Ben said you weren't feeling well…" He said, as if he was trying to put the pieces together. "You hit your head and felt ill, so you went to bed? Why didn't you go to the hospital? You might have had a concussion or something.."

"Oh, I…." Abi mumbled, not sure where she was going with this. He didn't seem convinced, but if she could get this right, he might back off. "I wasn't that bad. I took some painkillers and I was fine, just tired. Still alive, aren't I?"

She forced herself to laugh, shrugging slightly and ignoring the pain. She was definitely going to need those painkillers for real now.

"Okay…" Jay laughed, heading towards the door. "I'll leave you alone then. Let me know when you're done in here?"

"Yeah, will do," she smiled, sighing in relief as the door shut. However, her relief was short-lived as she heard Ben's voice. She rushed back to fixing her face, fighting through the pain to apply more concealer.

Seconds later, the door re-opened. Only, this time, it was Ben. She couldn't bring herself to look up at him, her stomach doing somersaults. He didn't say anything and neither she did, just turning back to the mirror.

"About last night…." He spoke slowly, before pausing, clearly expecting her to continue his sentence for him. When she didn't say a word, he continued. "I'm sorry. I was out of line."

That took her by surprise. Was she right? Had he just had a really bad day and taken it out on her? Either way, it didn't change the fact that he'd cheated on her and she was leaving, but it would help to know that he regretted being so violent with her.

"...Whatever," she sighed.

"I meant what I said, okay? I want to make this work with you," he said softly, stepping closer to her - causing her to step away. "Abs, please. I can't lose you. I want to be with you."

"And it doesn't matter what I want?" She questioned quietly, raising her eyebrows as she turned back to face him. "Doesn't it matter that I don't want to be with a guy who'd rather be with another guy?!"

"I told…." Ben paused, clenching his eyes shut and taking a deep breath. She could tell that he was trying to not get angry again, and she wondered whether he was only restraining himself because Jay was in the next room and Phil and Sharon were downstairs. It terrified her that the only thing stopping him from lashing out again, could have been the fact that they weren't alone in the house. "I told you that Paul was lying. You seriously don't believe me?"

"Of course I don't believe you!" She cried, shaking her head. "We can talk about it later, I've got to get ready for work."

"You're not going, I've called in sick for you. Dad's given me the day off," Ben said. At least it wouldn't have been a lie; she suddenly felt sick. Very, very, sick.

"What? Why would you-"

"- We're spending the day together, you and me," he smiled sweetly, stepping closer to her. Only, this time, she didn't flinch away. "Okay?"

"O-Okay."

"Great," he replied, leaning over to press his lips against hers before turning around and walking out.

As the door shut, she let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in. Looked like leaving him would have to wait until tomorrow. She was sure she could survive one more day with him.

* * *

A day a turned into a week...And a week turned into a month.

Now, it had been an entire month since this nightmare had started.

Only it wasn't a nightmare, was it? She wasn't going to wake up, safe and happy in a warm bed a hundred miles away. Because Ben wouldn't let that happen. He needed her where he could be in control.

 _ **Control**_. That's what all of this was about, she knew that. _Ben_ knew that. He knew that whenever he had her pinned up against the wall or when he was hurling insults at her as if she was a bit of dirt; he knew that he controlled her. She was powerless against him because she knew what he was capable of - he would prove it to her every time he told her Uncle Jack she was happy living at the Mitchells or told Jay she was too tired to go to the pub with them. Every time he spoke for her, watching her nod and smile in agreement. Every single time his hold over her got stronger and he damn well knew it.

The day after he first hit her, they sat and watched some film on the TV, almost silently. He was so cold and distant; the way he was acting as if they were some loved up couple who were happier than ever made her blood run cold. Every time he smiled at her or laughed at the movie, it felt so fake and dominating. It was as if he was trying to intimidate her - and it was working.

Since he hadn't mentioned what had happened the night before, she hadn't either. A part of her grew confident that it really had just been a one-off, that he'd lost his temper and it would never happen again. Of course, that didn't change the fact that it _had_ happened; or that he'd been copping off with another bloke, for that matter. So, she'd worked up the courage to get off the sofa and tell him she couldn't do it. She was sorry that he felt he couldn't be honest, but he couldn't use her to make Phil happy.

He told her that if she tried to ruin things for him, he'd make sure that she'd regret it.

Now, over a month later, the threat had progressed. She wouldn't live to regret it, he'd told her that morning.

A part of her didn't take him seriously at first. Heather had been a genuine accident, Jay had told her so time and time again. Ben would never intentionally kill someone; he wouldn't risk going back inside, to begin with. And if anything happened to her - he'd be the first person the police looked at.

She thought he was all talk, not only because of the risk but because he didn't have it in him. But when a convicted killer starts issuing death threats on the regular, you start taking them seriously. And the more he attacked her, physically or verbally, the more she believed him.

He wasn't like that all the time though. Sometimes, even when they were alone, he was sweet. He could be kind and dorky, and sometimes - just sometimes - she got a glimpse of her childhood best friend. She still saw that loving, gentle, kind little boy who loved dancing to Lady GaGa and watching High School Musical with her. She knew, despite everything, that he wasn't some one dimensional villain. Deep down, he was her best friend. And she tried to understand what he was going through. She tried to understand why he was doing this to her - she'd clicked that it wasn't all about control like she'd originally thought. No doubt that was part of it, of course he loved the power he held over her, but all of this had started as a way to please his Dad; a way to feel like the son that Phil always wanted. A way to prove that he was a **_true_** **_Mitchell_**.

But that was the problem with Ben. He wanted to have his cake and eat it. He wanted everyone to think that he was straight - but he also wanted to have sex with men. So, she guessed their arrangement had been working out perfectly for him. He got to keep up the facade of being a womanising hardman like his old man, and he also got to to have it off with the boy he fancied. Win win.

A part of her felt sorry for Ben. She knew how much he struggled when it came to his desire to please Phil; she also knew how hard it was for him to come out a few years ago. She should have been stronger - she should have been there for him. As his friend, she should have supported him and encouraged him to be himself. But no, instead she let him play on her insecurities and manipulate her into a relationship she knew wasn't even real. She'd felt so vulnerable and alone after her break up with Jay, that she'd let herself believe every word that came out of Ben's mouth. He made her feel better, the things he would say, even if she knew he didn't mean them. It was pathetic and she hated herself for it. Truth was, she actually hated herself much more than she could hate Ben.

He'd reminded her time and time again that her family hated her for what she'd done to Max. It was because of her own stupidity that she'd completely isolated herself from her entire family, and now who did she have? Who did she have apart from Ben?

But she didn't have Ben. One day, Paul would grow tired of being his dirty little secret and Ben would want to be with him. He would chuck her out like she was nothing - and then she _would_ be completely alone. Which is why she knew she had to get out now, before it was too late. He might have threatened her life if she left, but he was threatening her life if she stayed. So what choice did she have? She had no other option than to trust that he was all bark and no bite. She had to believe that Heather had been a genuine accident, and that he'd never intentionally kill someone. He would never intentionally hurt her.

So she was going to make her get-away today. Ben seemed to think that she'd learned her lesson - she knew exactly would he would do if he found out. If she needed a reminder, all she needed to do was take off her make up and look at the bruises scattered across her entire body. But she was ready to take that risk again today, and this time it was going to work. It had to.

Ben had thrown out her suitcase, just as a means of making this harder for her, but she managed to find one of Phil's many black holdalls. He had plenty of them, she told herself, he wouldn't miss one. She knew exactly where it was; all she had to do was get it, pack her stuff as quickly as she could then get out. The problem was that the Mitchell house was very rarely empty. But as long as Ben didn't get home, she could sneak past anyone else easily.

She'd left work for lunch a bit later than usual - not that she had any intention of going back. She'd call and apologise once she was out of London, but that was far from her main concern. She knew that Ben and Jay took their lunch break at the same time everyday, usually the same time that she did. There was a higher chance of them taking an early lunch than a late lunch though, and she didn't need any more risks. So, she'd gone with waiting until he'd definitely be back at the Arches.

As she approached the Mitchell house, she sucked in a breath. She reached for the door handle and froze when it was open. The door was always locked - unless there was someone in. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she opened it, slowly closing it behind her. She waited for a sign that someone was in, but the entire house was silent.

Maybe someone had just forgotten to lock it she thought, as she let out a breath. She let her eyes flutter closed, trying to regain her thoughts as she leaned back against the door.

"Abs?"

Her heart stopped for a brief second and she gasped as her eyes shot open. **_Jay._**

"Jesus, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you...You okay?"

Abi stood for a moment, staring at him with her mouth slightly agape. What did she say to that? Of course she wasn't okay. She was just relieved it was him stood in front of her, looking at her as if he was worried she was going to fall to pieces in front of him if he so much as moved an inch. She was just relieved it was him and not Ben.

"Is Ben here?" She asked after a few moments, her voice barely audible.

"No, no, he's gone back to work," Jay answered, stepping closer to her. "I just had to pop back to get my phone. Abs, are you alright?"

"Fine," she replied quickly. This was her chance and she wasn't about to throw it away. A train left for Exeter left in just half hour - she didn't have time for a chit chat. It was in that moment that she realised she would probably never see Jay again, and she swore she felt her heart break at the thought. She'd loved him more than anything in the world and she wished she could tell him that; but she didn't have time. She didn't have time for an emotional goodbye with the love of her life. She cleared her throat, trying to hold herself together as she moved passed him. "I'm fine."

"Hey, Abs, wait," he said as she moved past him. Innocently, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. She let out a cry in agony - his hand was wrapped around the exact spot where Ben had pinned her up against the wall not 24 hours ago.

He frowned in confusion at her yelp. Jay knew her better than anyone - he could see the distress in her eyes, the sense of fear that made her look like she'd just seen a ghost. More than anything, he could hear the pain in her voice as she'd winced.

Her eyes were begging him not to ask questions, but he'd already pulled her sleeve up to reveal the bruising on her arm. He looked up at her, her eyes avoiding him and her lip whimpering. Without saying another word, he gently reached for her other hand and rolled her sleeve up. Jay felt his stomach turn as he realised what was going on. It all made sense...how she'd been acting so off lately, how Ben always seemed to have an excuse for where she was, how they pretty much never spoke. It made sense. But that didn't mean he wanted to believe it.

"Abi…" he murmured, bracing himself for what he was about to ask her. "How did you get these?"

She didn't answer him at first. He looked up at her, his eyes meeting hers and silently pleading with her to tell him the truth.

"I-I…" she stuttered, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to tell him the truth. She didn't want him to think of her as some silly little girl who'd let her gay boyfriend knock her around, she didn't want him to think she was weak. But more than anything, she didn't want the last memory he had of her to be **_this_**.

"Did Ben do this to you?" He asked hesitantly. He already knew the answer, but he needed to hear her say it.

"No," she whimpered, shaking her head and pulling her arms away from him. There were tears prickling against her eyelids, as she defensively folded her arms across her chest. She was worried that he'd think less of her, if she told him the truth. She was worried that Ben was right; that they'd all blame her for provoking someone she knew was capable of violence. Everyone would say that she should have listened to the people that warned her off him from the start. If they didn't blame her, then they'd probably pity her. She didn't want, or need, anyone's pity - least of all Jay's. She was still hurting, what could she say?

"Abs…" Jay spoke gently. "Ben did this to you, didn't he?"

The tears that were now staining her cheeks broke his heart. Abi nodded slowly, arms still protectively crossed over her chest.

Jay was clearly in shock that his best friend - his brother - would do that to her. Abi knew that her bruises were alarming, but if she hadn't known that, the look on Jay's face would have told her. He looked completely horrified.

"...Jay, please say something," Abi cried, after a few seconds of silence.

"Has he been... _hurting_ you?" He asked, but she didn't answer. "Abi, how many times has he hit you?!"

"I don't know," She confessed quietly, her breath shaking as she was unable to control her tears. She shut her eyes, covering her face with her hands. "I don't know, okay? A...A _few_ times."

"I don't believe this…" Jay sighed, shaking his head. He knew that Heather had been an accident, that Ben had lost his temper and lashed out. He thought that Ben had learned to control that anger. But he'd been lashing out at Abi - in the room right next to Jay's and he never even noticed. How did he not see it?! Why didn't he...why didn't see it?

"Jay…"

"I'm going to kill him," Jay clenched his teeth, turning around to head for the door.

"No! Jay, wait, please," Abi cried, immediately grabbing his arm to stop him going any further. Jay turned back around to face her, his expression softening. "Please, okay, the last thing I need is you kicking off...I just need you to help me."

He let out a breath, guiltily. She was right, what good was kicking off going to do? That could wait until later. Right now, he needed to be there for her, like he should have always been. He should have protected her. He should never have let her get involved with Ben in the first place. But how he could have stopped her? It wasn't his place to dictate who she saw; they weren't together anymore, they hadn't been together in over a year. 1

"Come here," he sighed, wrapping his arm around her. He felt her flinch slightly, and his heart broke at the fact his mere touch scared her, but she soon relaxed and cuddled into his chest. He stroked her hair as he took in the familiar smell of her shampoo, her hands tightly gripping his shirt. "I'm sorry...I'm _so_ sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she said, wiping at her tears as she pulled away from his embrace. "Look, Jay, I….I have to go."

"Go?" He questioned with a frown. "Where are you gonna go?"

"My Mum's," she replied. "The train leaves less than half hour and I really need to be gone before Ben gets home or…"

"...Or what?" He asked, when she stopped her sentence mid-way. "Or _what_ , Abi?"

"It doesn't matter," she shook her head. "I really need to get a move on, I'm sorry."

Abi spun around, quickly rushing towards the stairs. Jay was right behind her, pleading with her to stop and talk to him. She stopped at the drawers on the landing, opening the bottom one and reaching to the back to get the bag. Jay frowned in confusion.

"Have you not got your own suitcase now?" He asked, shaking her head.

"No, I haven't," she replied. As much as she wanted to talk to Jay, get it all of her chest with the one person she knew she could, she didn't want to burden him. Ben was still his brother, his best mate, and he already knew more than she'd wanted him to. She wasn't going to put him in the position where he had to hear all those things about the closest thing he had to a brother.

"How long have you been planning on leaving?" He asked, watching her pulling clothes out of the drawers and quickly shove them in the bag. "Abi, will you please talk to me?"

"I can't, Jay, you don't understand," she mumbled, glancing at the clock on the bedside table and feeling her anxiety grow. "I need to leave, okay? I need to go, so please stop getting in my way."

It was quiet for a few seconds as he watched her, helplessly. He did understand that she needed to get away from Ben, as soon as possible.

"Okay…" Jay sighed. "Okay, let's get you out of here."

She looked up at him, panic now replacing the fear that was there just minutes ago. "Thank you."

He moved closer to the bed, helping her with the pile of clothes she was chucking in. He grabbed a few other things that she said she needed, whilst she continued to pack. Just a few minutes later, his phone was vibrating in his back pocket. He pulled it out, the feeling of anger rushing back to him when he saw it was Ben calling.

"It's Ben."

"Answer it," Abi insisted, to which he shot her a hesitant look. "Jay, if you don't, he might come looking for you. Please answer it, and try to act normal. **_Please_**."

"...Ben, hey," he said, answering the phone. "I'm just leaving the house now, yeah. Give me five minutes...Alright, I'll get us some coffees, yeah. Okay. A doughnut, okay. Alright. Yeah. Bye."

"What did he say?" she asked, zipping up the holdall.

"Just wanted to know where I was, wants me to get him a coffee and a doughnut," Jay shrugged, noticing she'd finished packing. "You're packed already?"

"I had to be quick, I told you that," Abi replied softly.

"Okay.." Jay breathed, unable to take all of this in properly. "Okay, are you ready to go then?

"Yeah," she nodded, slinging the holdall over her shoulder. "I need to leave now, the train leaves in less than twenty minutes."

"Okay, right, yeah," he replied, running a hand through his hair. "I'll come with you."

"Jay, you don't have to-"

"I want to."

"...Alright, fine. Come on then," she forced a smile, heading out of the door.

Ten minutes later, they were at the tube station. They'd managed not to run into Ben, or anyone that asked any questions, so they'd made it on time.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked, coming to a stop outside the station. He couldn't believe she was actually leaving Walford, and from the way she was going on, it sounded like it was for good.

"Jay, if I can fly to Costa Rica on my own, I'm sure I can catch a train to Exeter," she laughed - genuinely laughed, for what felt like the first time in months.

"You know what I mean," he scoffed. She didn't say anything in return, just glanced down at her feet with a tight-lipped smile. "You're going to be okay?"

"I don't know," she sighed, looking back up at him. "But I'm going to try."

"And you're really never coming back?" He asked, letting out a shaky breath when she shook her head in response to his question. It was then that he took his opportunity to ask the question that had been playing on his mind since she told him she was going. "You were just going to leave, then? No goodbye, no nothing?"

"Jay-"

"If I hadn't have been at the house, you would have disappeared without a word," he acknowledged softly. "After everything, you didn't even think I deserved a goodbye?"

"Did you say goodbye to me when you did a runner with Lola?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "No, you didn't. Because you were desperate, just like I was - just like I **_am_**."

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"Stop apologising," she rolled her eyes, laughing gently. A glance up at the clock on the wall told her her train was due in 7 minutes. She felt tears prickling her eyes. She was almost there, almost gone, just like she planned. She just hadn't anticipated Jay making it so hard for her to leave him behind. "I really need to go, Jay."

"I know you do," he nodded, pressing his lips together. "Can I at least get one last hug?"

She smiled, stepping closer to him and throwing her arms around his neck as his arms slid around her waist. They stood there, both with their eyes shut tightly, clinging onto each other for dear life as each of them tried to memorise the other. After all, they didn't know when - or even if - they'd ever see each other again.

Abi pulled back, blinking away the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "I need to go."

"Let me come with you," Jay suggested.

"What?"

"Let me come with you," he repeated.

"Jay, you can't-"

"Yes, I can," he shrugged. "You go to your Mum's now and as soon as I get this tag off, I'll come be with you. We can be together again, just like it's supposed to be."

"Don't be stupid, you don't want that," she shook her head.

"I do, Abs, I do want that," he reached for both her hands, pleading to her with his eyes to say yes. "I still love you. I've never stopped loving you."

"What about Linsi?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Linzi was Jay's latest squeeze - they'd been dating for almost two months now.

"I was going to end it with her anyway," he admitted, shaking his head. "Abi, please, I can't lose you. I love you."

Abi sucked in a breath, those three words giving her more comfort than anything else possibly could.

"And I love you," she admitted, with a shaky smile. "I will _always_ love you, Jay, more than anything. But…"

"No, _**no**_ buts," he interrupted.

"But," she repeated, ignoring his warning. "I need to be on my own, Jay. For a while, at least."

"You know, I really am sorry. For everything, for all of this."

"Yeah, me too."

"...So this is really it? This is how it ends for us?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" She let out a nervous laugh, her eyes moving back to the large clock on the wall. 5 minutes.

"I love you, Abi Branning."

"I love you too, Jay Brown."

He pulled her back closer to him, leaning down to press his lips against hers. Her hands moved to his neck as they kissed, his hands moving back to her hips. The kiss was desperate and needy, but most of all it was passionate. It was goodbye.

After a few seconds, Abi teared herself away from him. She gave him a smile, trying not to cry again, and he did the same. Not a word was said as she stepped backwards, sucking in a breath and moving to the barrier.

She didn't look back as she went through, until she got to the top of the staircase. She couldn't resist looking down at the boy she loved, giving him one last smile; he smiled back at her, each of them silently reassuring each other that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

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